


I can fly as long as I'm with you.

by foxface99



Category: EXO (Band)
Genre: Eating Disorder Not Otherwise Specified, Eating Disorders, Heavy Angst, I Made Myself Cry, M/M, Non-Idol AU, What’s the opposite of slow-burn, no happy ending
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-04
Updated: 2019-04-04
Packaged: 2020-01-04 14:47:14
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,319
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18345827
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/foxface99/pseuds/foxface99
Summary: Baekhyun is broken and Chanyeol hopes it isn't too late to fix him.





	I can fly as long as I'm with you.

**Author's Note:**

> I wrote this way back in 2016 (in case you notice the age I mention later being a little off, that's why) but I fixed it up a little bit and changed the horribly cringey title. Though this is pretty fast-paced and I'm not too good at writing dialogue, not to mention these barely count as paragraphs, I really hope you enjoy!  
> Title is from Chanyeol's rap in Heaven.

"Baekhyun!"

"What?"

Chanyeol rolls his eyes. "I asked if you were hungry."

"Oh. I'm not," Baekhyun replies.

"Well, I am." Chanyeol looks around before pointing to a small coffee shop down the street they've been walking along, one Baekhyun has been to many times alone. "How about we go there?"

He nods, a little reluctantly. They go in and Baekhyun is relieved to see that he doesn't recognize a single person today. They order from a short, foreign girl; Chanyeol gets a cappuccino and a sandwich, Baekhyun a plain, black Americano. It's one of the few things he feels is safe to swallow at this point.

He watches Chanyeol eat as he sips his own coffee, so warm it burns his throat. He wonders how the other is able to eat without worrying about how much he'll weigh the next morning, but he's more envious. Baekhyun lets himself imagine a life where he's the same way. He'd be the one to suggest they eat out somewhere and he would actually enjoy spending time with his best friend and roommate. He'd make breakfast sometimes, on mornings when Chanyeol looks as though he hadn't gotten much sleep. And he wouldn't cry every time he steps on the scale because he hasn't lost as much weight as he wanted.

"Hey, Baekhyun?"

Chanyeol is waving a large hand in front of his face and he returns to reality.

"What is it?" he asks, finishing his drink. It's gone cold now.

"Do you have your wallet?"

Baekhyun laughs and reaches into his back pocket. Fortunately, he always carries it with him (mostly because he knows Chanyeol doesn't). He pays the waitress and though it's only around five dollars, Chanyeol insists on paying him back when they get home.

"Hey, we should get going," says Chanyeol. "It's supposed to rain soon." He grabs Baekhyun by the wrist and drags the shorter man out of the café.

He's sure that his hand hasn't always been able to wrap all the way around this wrist.

 

They've only just beat the rain, having run half the way home. It begins pouring as they slip off their shoes and hang their jackets.

Black dots swim in Baekhyun's vision and he can't seem to catch his breath. Running after keeping no food down for a week, he decides, wasn't a good idea after all.

"Wow, that was-" Chanyeol pauses when he sees Baekhyun leaning against the door frame, eyes closed. "Baek, are you okay?"

He barely catches Baekhyun when he collapses.

 

Baekhyun wakes to bright lights and beeping machines. Chanyeol is sleeping in a chair in the corner of the room. His voice is raspy from lack of use (and, well, _mis_ use) but he calls out Chanyeol's name, nearly causing the tall man to fall out of the chair.

"You're awake!" He shouts, rushing to the bed.

"What am I doing here?"

"You passed out yesterday," Chanyeol says, his face darkened. "They said you haven't been eating."

Baekhyun suddenly finds interest in the white sheets that seem to surround him, avoiding the other man's eyes.

"Why haven't you been eating?"

He isn't really sure how to answer this question. The answer isn't a simple one, anyway.

"Baek, please."

"I... I'm sorry."

"What for?"

"Why are you even here?" he suddenly shouts.

Chanyeol jumps back in surprise. "Why _wouldn't_ I be here? I care about you, you know."

"I'm just causing you trouble, aren't I?" Baekhyun asks, tears steadily dripping from his nose. "I'm fat and disgusting and worthless. Why do you care?"

"Because I..." Chanyeol doesn't know if he should say it, doesn't know if he can. But maybe he has no choice. "I love you, okay?"

"W-what?"

"I love you," he repeats, more sure this time. "And not in a friend kind of way. In a _I-want-to-kiss-you-until-I-can't-fucking-breathe_ kind of way."

Baekhyun stares for a long moment. He feels something he hasn't in a long time. "I love you, too." He's pulled into a kiss and Chanyeol's lips are softer than he ever could have imagined (and _oh, he imagined_ ).

Chanyeol breaks the kiss and grabs a hold of Baekhyun's thin, cold hand with both of his own. "You... have to eat, you know that."

"I'm sorry," he whispers.

"God, I knew you were losing weight but I didn't think you could be _starving_ yourself." Chanyeol brings Baekhyun's hand up to his mouth and kisses it, gently. It's still cold. "Promise me you'll eat more."

"I... I can't promise you that. I'm sorry."

"Stop saying that."

But he won't. Baekhyun will always be sorry. For not eating, for puking everything he does eat, and for not telling Chanyeol about the not eating and the puking. But mostly, he's sorry for making him fall so deeply in love with such an irreparably broken boy.

 

"Please, Baek, just one more bite."

He shakes his head, whimpering like a child. Well, Chanyeol _is_ treating him like one, after all.

Chanyeol looks at his boyfriend's plate, still mostly full, and hesitantly sets down the spoon. "Okay, fine. I guess that's good enough for now." It's been a week since they left the hospital and Baekhyun hasn't gotten any better. He shouldn't really have expected him to, but he was hoping. (More so than he'll ever say.)

Baekhyun smiles. "Let's go watch that drama you like, okay?"

Chanyeol tries to smile too.

They sit on the couch, Baekhyun curled up against the larger man. Chanyeol can feel him shaking in his arms, can feel a dampness on his shirt.

"Baek, are you alright?"

He suddenly gets up, running to the bathroom. He tried, he really did, but his own thoughts won't leave him alone.

_You'll get even fatter._

_He won't love you anymore._

**_He'll leave you._ **

Baekhyun wants to pull his hair out, wants to scream that he knows, he  _knows_ Chanyeol will leave him no matter what he does. He crawls to the toilet, shoving his fingers into his throat and throwing up the small amount of food, ignoring the pounding on the door and his boyfriend's desperate cries of "Stop! Please!" Truthfully, he wants himself to stop, too, but his hand instinctively gags him even after he's only spitting up bile.

"Open the door, Baek, please!" Chanyeol shouts, and the frail man finally walks out of the bathroom.

He looks, really looks at him. Purple bags from months without proper sleep underneath his bloodshot eyes, swollen, tear-stained cheeks, the vomit still on his chewed and bloody lips. Yet somehow, he's still the most beautiful thing Chanyeol has ever seen.

Baekhyun falls into his chest, long arms wrapping him in a careful hug. "I couldn't do it," he sobs. "I was going to get fat and then you'd break up with me."

"I'm never going to leave you, okay? I'll always be here, Baek." Chanyeol tightens his grip around Baekhyun's tiny waist. Everything about the boy is tiny and it scares him.

 

Baekhyun dies 28 days later, just three before his 24th birthday. Chanyeol came home to find him lying on the bathroom floor, dark red blood dripping from his chin and splattered in the toilet.

He always knew, in the back of his mind, that all this would eventually be what killed Baekhyun. But this wasn't how his beautiful Baek deserved to go, not how he wanted to say goodbye. _He thought they had more time._

The funeral is quiet. Baekhyun had all but stopped talking to anyone else during his last few weeks. A few neighbors and family members ( _who had never cared in the first place_ ) show up. Everyone keeps telling him they're sorry for his loss, but he isn't sure why. It isn't like they can bring Baekhyun back now, and they definitely can't make it hurt any less.

As Chanyeol lies in bed that night, he wonders how many days it will take before he starves to death.


End file.
